I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Randomize
