i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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