we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
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There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
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After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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