he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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