Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize