i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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