im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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