Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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