Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
