fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
