Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
