Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
