okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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