i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize