Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Randomize
