I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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