i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
