I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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