Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize