She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
