She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize