U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wish you could order shots online.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
