Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
