actually, I'm a sock model
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize