My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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