I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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