No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
