Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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