My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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