It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
