We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
