you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
