I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
