I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
