Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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