yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We were destined to go to rehab together
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
