Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
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I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
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We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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