i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
