I feel great
I just peed on a car
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
