we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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