Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
im about as happy as oj after his trial
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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