I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
