i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
