Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
