Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
