We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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