Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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