he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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