My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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