hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
