I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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