Soap is not a condiment
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
