new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
