I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
