I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
