I must be too annoying 4 u.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
