So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
