Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
