Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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