i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
