ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
