Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
