I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
