He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
