i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
