Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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