did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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