Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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