Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
pop tarts are not kleenex
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
