Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
