He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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